How to become the world’s most annoying driver

Tired of being a courteous driver? Here’s how you can transform your ride into something guaranteed to drive everyone else crazy.

Habit 1: Chat a little longer on that cell phone. It’ll slow you down, make you less responsive to other cars and maybe even keep you from seeing your exit until the last minute. Combine those three and you’re sure to irritate the heck out of the person behind you.

Habit 2: Drive straight in turn-only lanes. This is a great prank to play on fellow drivers. Sitting in a turn-only lane through a stop light will give you plenty of laughs as nerves fray and birdies fly in cars that would have been able to turn otherwise.

Habit 3: Hold off on lane changes until the last second. Cutting through traffic and making motorists hit their brakes will win you plenty of road-rage points. So make sure not to plan too far ahead on the freeway. You wouldn’t want to pass up an aggressive lane change.

Habit 4: Ride the bumper of the car in front of you. Tailgating is a great way to get noticed by those pesky drivers that follow the speed limit. Ride ‘em close. And make sure you can’t count any “Mississippis” between them and you. The down side is that it will reduce your gas-mileage about 33 percent on the freeway and 5 percent in town. But it’s worth the money.

Habit 5: When merging onto the freeway, slow down. Better yet, STOP. That will irritate people to death. Motorists who can’t figure out how to merge into traffic are one of the top frustrations on America’s roads. So give it a try.

Habit 6: Hit your brakes on the highway. Sure, everybody does it. But repeated heavy-footed braking will set you apart from other motorists. It will wear on your brakes, decrease your fuel efficiency and make you a rear-end-collision-waiting-to-happen, but it will give you an edge over all those other annoying drivers.

Good luck! We’re looking forward to some great road rage stories to come!

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